I love animals. I have been told that I have a unique connection to animals that others don’t have. They are important to me. I see the beauty in their forms and faces. I see them in my dreams… and when they are in trouble, they find me there, so I can send them to the Light. I love my pets… and yet for years, there has been a block.

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Image: Hjordis by Kristbane, DeviantArt 2015

** This is what Cricket looked like when she first came home.

I hunger for connection. I love them when they are small. I fret over them when they are sick. I make sure they have what they need, but I struggle with just being together. I don’t seem able to reach out for the love that is right there for me.

How did I get here? There was a lesson of love to be discovered.

I have always had a dog… and I have lost my dogs in a series of heart rending tragic events. It makes sense that these experiences have erected a wall between me and the love I see shining in their eyes. It’s like they are patiently waiting for me to put the pieces together. But is that the whole picture?

As a baby, I played in the tall grass in our backyard. It was a new house in a new development. It was farming land. There was no lawn, only tall grass. Mum says that she knew where I was because she could see the grass rustling. Me and my dog, making tunnels and loving each other.

I don’t know what happened to him. I have no memory of him. I regret it.

Later, I sat in the middle of a mass of wriggling bodies. They crawled over my legs and sucked my fingers. It was pure joy. One of these would be mine. How could I choose? They were all wonderful. My little sister was making a fuss about why she couldn’t have one too, but Dad explained that this would be my puppy. I called him Buster. He loved me… until she took him for a walk to the shops and then left him on the front lawn. We drove around and around. I called his name in heart broken accents, the pain in my chest was so bad, but he never answered me. My heart was empty. I don’t know what happened to him.

More wriggling puppies, but there was a distance for me now. It was not a joy. I was only eight, but I had been raped, made a pariah and outcast form my community, moved to a different town and lost daily contact with the grandparents I needed. Her name was Zara. She survived Cyclone Tracy with a twisted hip but had to be shot because Mum and us kids had been evacuated and Dad couldn’t look after her while re-building the city. I was not spared the knowledge of what happened to her.

Fade to grey… Dad finally rejoined us in Adelaide. My brother insisted that we get a puppy from the same breeders. He insisted that the new puppy be the same colour and same name. Zara II loved me when I hit rock bottom. I know she loved me. She lived to a good old age. I just couldn’t step outside my losses.

I understood all of these experiences. I accepted them. But if acceptance and understanding was the key to new behaviours, why was I still stuck decades later?

Cricket was waiting patiently for me to have the necessary breakthrough.

“No matter how close we are to another person, few human relationships are as free from strife, disagreement, and frustration as is the relationship you have with a good dog. Few human beings give of themselves to another as a dog gives of itself. I also suspect that we cherish dogs because their unblemished souls make us wish – consciously or unconsciously – that we were as innocent as they are, and make us yearn for a place where innocence is universal and where the meanness, the betrayals, and the cruelties of this world are unknown.”

Dean Kootz, A Big Little Life: A memoir of a Joyful Dog

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10 thoughts on “Soul mate… the sticking point

  1. I find it very difficult to relate to any sort of animal. I find some dogs and cats affectionate and comforting, but mostly I fear all animals. I don’t know why.

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    1. Thank you for your interesting comment. Some people say “I am just not an animal person” and it doesn’t worry them. For me, the issue is trauma-based and it does bother me, and I also discovered it is also past-life based. This is when hypnotherapy is a great tool. The decision about whether to find out is entirely up to you. Some people are content as they are. (PS Brian Weiss also has a free online regression. He will lead you through it if you want to explore the issue.)

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      1. I have tried his regression video many times, always end up sleeping. I’m currently also going to a hypnotherapist…and going through a 21 day belief system change thing…also did reiki twice…I actually came across your blog when I entered Brian Weiss and regression as tags 🙂

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      2. During the first Reiki session, the Reiki master told me that she saw my past life with my boyfriend who had just left me a few months back… She said they told her that and she saw it. I mentally sort of accepted it but not completely because I haven’t experienced it. I’ve read all of Brian’s Weiss’s books other than the last one and I do believe everything he wrote and people experienced so I accept that past lives exist and it’s possible to see them. But I don’t “know” and so can’t “really” believe because I haven’t experienced it…

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  2. I think that experience is the key. There are lots of insightful people around and that is great, but there is nothing like knowing it and feeling it yourself. Everyone is different and unique – some go into trance easily and others need a bit more practice. The more you practice going into a relaxed state the more likely it is to happen. People who are very logical with a well developed critical mind need more practice. Dr Weiss tells a story of how it took him 3 months of daily practice. So keep trying and I’m sure you will get there. Best wishes and Merry Christmas.

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  3. Yes and he got there after meditating so much. I can’t meditate for even 5 minutes. And I give up too easily. I might be slow and give up easily and too many times but I will try again.

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    1. Meditation can be tricky. There are different ways of meditating and there will be a way that suits you. Keep looking. I can’t do the one where you are meant to think about nothing. I can do guided meditations – Brian Weiss does some good ones, and prayers and affirmations like Doreen Virtue does seem to work well. Surprisingly (or maybe not if you read about my past lives) knitting works as meditation for me. Colouring in can be great and I have a friend where gardening is her form of meditation… whatever puts you into a focused and relaxed state.

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